Book Review: Never Google Heartbreak by Emma Garcia

Guest Review and Commentary by Eva Pugzlyte

book review never google heartbreak emma garciaVivienne Summers got dumped by her fiancé, Rob, thrice, yet she prefers to look at it as being “on a break” and is certain he will return to her with the wedding ring and she can finally start living the perfect life as Rob’s wife. Clearly Viv doesn’t make the same mistake twice. She makes it thrice, just to be sure. As much as I wanted to shake her – because, Hello! Girl, you are you blind or stupid or both? This guy is clearly no good and you deserve so much better than this! – I couldn’t help but feel an embarrassing solidarity with her, because even though I’ve never even been close to the altar, I’ve been there. My girlfriends have been there and most likely youve been there, too. Oh you’re a “strong independent woman who don’t need no man”? You’ve so been there and don’t even try to deny it.

So there is Viv, in her crappy “temporary” (whatever you want to tell yourself) apartment, so deep in denial that it’s about to cross the core–mantle boundary of the planet. After all he just needs time to realise he can’t live without her and then he’ll be back. In fact she will show up at their mutual friends’ wedding looking fabulous and show him what he’s missing. (Oh boy…) And then he calls and tells her he’ll be with someone and for a moment I was really sure she had seen him for the bastard he is (even if we’re only on page 55 of 339), but instead she decides to bring a date, too (I can’t watch this…).

Enter Max Kelly, a six-foot-two, scruffy, dark curly-haired, poetry writing, motorbike riding, guitar playing, Irish painter, who happens to be Vivienne’s best friend. (Viv, is he single? Why is he single? Can I have his number? Oh my God, what happened to your hair?!) Five minutes  with Max and it’s already plainly obvious he’s in love with her and mercilessly friend-zoned. (Oh please. Yeah sure, Viv, he’s not friend-zoned. And Guantanamo Bay is an all-inclusive holiday resort.)

Let’s skip to the wedding and Rob’s someone, an urban goddess shrouded in class and sophistication. (I understand you need a drink, Viv, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Oh that’s definitely a bad idea… Max, do something!)

The next several chapters are spent anaesthetising the previous chapters with vodka, champagne or a near lethal combination of both, breaking every glass in the flat and crying herself in to a stupor, achingly familiar to that time I spent a Saturday in bed with a bottle of wine and half a rainforest worth of tissues bemoaning a guy who dumped me via text message (Wait. What? I admit nothing.) In my mind I unconsciously start singing All by myself…

In the meantime she starts a website about heartbreak (because there seem to be a lot of brokenhearted people on the internet), while trying to keep her own head as well as that of her dim-witted assistant above water as they both are at danger of losing their jobs. And worst of all everyone around her seems to find sex or love or even worse…both. Even her nana! Is there anything worse than lovesick people all around you when you feel like your heart has been dug out of your chest cavity with a spoon? And then she picks up her last stuff at her ex’s house, her ex-house, which has been re-decorated by his now fiancée and she’s fighting with her best girlfriend (Here, Viv, you definitely need this drink more than I do.) and the hurt is so great she would do anything, anything, to not feel it even if it’s for a span of 30 seconds and Max is there like a gorgeous, rogue,Irish morphine patch and she surrenders to it (I don’t blame you, Viv. I resent you slightly, but I don’t blame you) and for a little while she can breathe again, but then Rob returns from their “break” and he’s on one knee and he’s holding a diamond ring, her diamond ring (Don’t you even think about it, Viv! Do you hear me?!) and it’s all she ever thought she wanted, but why does it feel so out of place in her flat and her life all of a sudden? And where is Max?

A girlfriend gave me this book saying she loved it because it felt so familiar (She has definitely been there). I took it with a smile, yet expecting it to be the thirteenth chick-flick in a baker’s dozen and I ended up pleasantly surprised, because Viv isn’t perfect (Sorry, Viv, I love you but you’re a mess). Viv is you. She is your best friend. She is your colleague. She’s the random girl you’re sharing an elevator with. You laugh with her, you cry with her, you root for her, you scold her. You have imaginary arguments with her in your head and then you make up with her. She’s the voice in your head. She is the worst of you  and the best. She’s iconic. And that’s what makes this book so enjoyable.

Oh and Max is a sweater made out of sexy boyfriend material. (Yes, he’s yours, Viv. Let a girl dream… Get another bottle of wine, will you? Night’s young.)

Book Review never google heartbreak by emma garcia

About the Author

Emma Garcia has completed an MA in Creative Writing at Roehampton University and has published three children’s books (Boxer books). NEVER GOOGLE HEARTBREAK is her first adult novel loosely based around her own experiences of being in her thirties and single in London, of being dumped, getting over it, falling in love and getting married. She has worked as a waitress, technical assistant, chambermaid, sandwich designer, product manager, illustrator and teacher, and spent a long time travelling and working in Asia.

She lives in Yorkshire with her husband and three children, and is currently working on the second book in the series, OMG BABY.

About the Book

Top tips to get over a broken heart
Don’t embarrass yourself in front of your ex
Avoid sleeping with your best friend
No drunken dialling!
… And never, ever Google heartbreak

After her ex-fiancé Rob breaks off their engagement for the third time, Viv knows she needs help to get over it. And, as she searches through tales of heartbreak online, inspiration strikes – she needs to set up her own website! A one-stop shop for the broken-hearted.

However, the advice she begins getting on it doesn’t seem to be helping her win Rob back. On the contrary, it seems to be pointing her in the direction of her best friend and partner-in-crime Max.

But where is Max when Viv needs him most? Will Rob ever see the error of his ways?
And, ultimately, is there a search engine powerful enough to stop us getting our hearts broken… or to stop us breaking anyone else’s?

About the Reviewer

Thinker. Dreamer. Independent. Observer. Night owl. Frank. Stubborn. Easygoing on the surface, but shy underneath. Prone to sarcastic remarks. Ticklish. Lover of arts. Foodie. Would never exchange the feel of paper under her fingertips for an e-reader. Often talks in references. Could eat her weight in licorice. Secretly suspects her house is trying to kill her and shall deny every accusation of klutzery on her behalf. Is known to on occasion name inanimate objects and oftentimes can’t decide whether she loves something because it’s beautiful, or whether it’s beautiful because she loves it.

Book Review: I’ve Got Your Number by Sophie Kinsella

Guest Review by Tiff Nichols

Book review I've Got Your NumberEvery once in a while, a gal needs something light to read—a good, funny romance with endearing characters, hilarity, and hijinks. When I find myself pining for a fun read that really pulls me in, I turn to one of my favorite authors of romantic comedies, Sophie Kinsella. You might recognize her as the author of the popular Shopaholic series, but Kinsella has written quite a few hilarious standalone novels as well. The one I read most recently is I’ve Got Your Number.

Sophie Kinsella is a champ at creating lovable characters, and she doesn’t disappoint here. I adored Poppy Wyatt from the first chapter. She’s a bright, caring, and witty physiotherapist in London who is all set to marry Magnus Tavish, the man of her (and many other girls’) dreams. Like most of Kinsella’s female leads, Poppy finds herself the heroine in a comedy of errors.

During an afternoon tea with her girlfriends, Poppy manages to lose both her heirloom engagement ring and her cell phone in quick succession. As luck would have it, she finds a discarded phone in a trash bin. Poppy grabs the phone in a panic and gives the number to the hotel’s employees, who have promised to keep an eye out for her ring.

The hijinks begin immediately. Turns out the phone belonged to successful businessman Sam Roxton, whose personal assistant chucked the phone into the trash after abruptly quitting her job. Poppy convinces Sam to let her keep the phone until the hotel calls to tell her they’ve found her engagement ring. She soon finds herself immersed in Sam’s electronic life—both business and personal. Sam, of course, is none too happy about her snooping, but Poppy, with her wit, common sense, and desire to help in every situation, eventually becomes invaluable to Sam.

It was fun to watch the unconventional alliance develop between Poppy and Sam. They go from complete strangers, a bit annoyed at one another and reluctantly sharing a cell phone, to acquaintances who give each other advice via text and phone conversations.

The story is fun, the characters are endearing, and the laughs are abundant. There’s enough mystery on all fronts to keep you guessing throughout. Also, there are footnotes, a clever nod to Poppy’s distinguished and scholarly in-laws-to-be. (“Magnus says footnotes are for things which aren’t your main concern but nevertheless hold some interest for you. So. This is my footnote about footnotes.”) They’re filled with fun little tidbits that are intended as asides to the reader, e.g. “What kind of movie starts with a mother fish and all her little glowy eggs being eaten by a shark, FFS? It’s supposed to be for children.”

If you’re looking for a serious read that you can really think about, a protagonist who will be a role model for the ages, or something to satisfy your feminist side, this is one of the last books I’d recommend. But if you’re like me and enjoy the occasional jaunt to the land of “chick lit,” then I highly recommend I’ve Got Your Number. I give the book five monkeys, because anything that makes me stay up all night giggling and reading is worth it.

Book Review I've Got Your Number

About the Book

Poppy Wyatt has never felt luckier. She is about to marry her ideal man, Magnus Tavish, but in one afternoon her “happily ever after” begins to fall apart. Not only has she lost her engagement ring in a hotel fire drill, but in the panic that follows, het phone is stolen. As she paces shakily around the lobby, she spots an abandoned phone in a trash can. Finders keepers! Now she can leave a number for the hotel to contact her when they find her ring. Perfect!

Well, perfect except that the phone’s owner, businessman Sam Roxton, doesn’t agree. He wants his phone back and doesn’t appreciate Poppy reading his messages and wading into his personal life.

What ensues is a hilarious and unpredictable turn of events as Poppy and Sam increasingly upend each other’s lives through emails and text messages. As Poppy juggles wedding preparations, mysterious phone calls, and hiding her left hand from Magnus and his parents, she soon realizes that she is in for the biggest surprise of her life.

About the Author

Sophie Kinsella is the author of the bestselling Shopaholic series, as well as Twenties Girl, Remember Me?, The Undomestic Goddess, and Can You Keep a Secret? She lives with her husband and children in London, UK.

About the Reviewer

Tiffany Nichols is a writer, editor, and avid reader who lives in Charleston, South Carolina, with her husband and two dogs.  She enjoys music, crocheting, craft beers, and not sharing her cell phone with strangers. You can find her at WriteEditRepeat.com.